Monday, March 19th, 2012 was a very sad, sad day for us. We had watched our sweet dog Emma get more feeble and unsteady for the last year or so. I had hoped over and over again that she would just be released from her pain and go quietly in the night. It had become so hard for me to watch her struggle with just walking.
At first her back legs started to get very weak and she struggled to stand. She couldn't stand to eat without her legs sliding out from under her unless we made sure she was on a surface with some "grip" to it. She had started to eat very slow and sometimes unable to eat all of her food. We could tell she was starting to have some digestive problems too. She would get herself in a corner and didn't seem how to know how to get out of it and would stand there for a very long time.
But probably the worst part was when she would fall down the stairs to go outside. She was very protective of being picked up...I'm sure because it hurt her and she would yelp in pain if you tried to pick her up. For a couple of weeks before we watched as one of her front legs had started to swell and was very painful to touch. We had put her on glucosamine but even that didn't seem to be helping much. Her hearing was pretty much gone also as it seemed that the only thing she really heard anymore was her food getting put in her dish. I could step over her while doing the laundry and she wouldn't even wake up!
I know we had delayed this decision for a long time. I was holding on because I wanted a more natural transition for her. But it was not to be. I just couldn't watch her be in pain any longer. I wondered if I was being selfish? I think Scott was just waiting for me to be OK with it. I'm not sure that it is a decision that you can ever be "OK" with. So I had made some phone calls to our vet several times trying to come to grips with it and I cried most of the day.
But afterwards it was a peaceful feeling. I'm glad that she doesn't hurt anymore. I wish I could say that she was the "best dog ever" for the 16 years of her life, but she wasn't. She had a free spirit and like to roam which got really hard after she seemed to lose her hearing (Scott said it was selective hearing). She helped raise 12 guide dog puppies by keeping them as "low man on the totem pole". She always seemed like the Alpha dog up until the last couple of months of her life and when those puppies put their noses in her dish she let them know that they were in her territory!
Our little Canadian Golden mixed with who knows what puppy was not always obiedent or willing to please, but she was ours and we loved her. Miss you and love you Emma!
